Beer Meister: Cheese Balls
This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available. While this might be a "pain in the ass" job, it's undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.
Grand Master: Holy MFT
The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert's legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather he personifies the hash's character (or lack thereof.) He leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Religious Advisor, Hash Cash, Songmeister, Hash Flash, Haberdash and Webwanker in real importance to the hash.
Hare Razor: DickTater
The Hare Razor makes sure that there's a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known well in advance of hash day for transportation purposes.
The Hare Razor IS the hare if she can't find anyone else to do it.
Hash Cash: Not Long Enough
The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in and out.") These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares, the whimpering of the hounds who are late or forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.
Logistics Expert: Cold Pussy
Nothing goes wrong when our logistic expert arrange our transport, estimate the number of busses, commute times, trikes for ice and everything else to get hashers and beer from the Snake Pit to A and back from B on time.
Religious Advisor: Sleazy Rider
The RA is the arbiter of hash tradition and master of ceremonies at the on-in. When in the circle, the RA is always right, even when wrong. Other than presiding over the circle, the RA is responsible to ensure that deserving thirsts are quenched; they are fully responsible for the weather and the taste of the beer.